Connection

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Beginners

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Beginners

Acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT, helps individuals create a rich, full, and meaningful life, while accepting the pain that inevitably accompanies it. Through the utilization of mindfulness techniques and goal-directed or values-based behavior, clients can learn to reduce the influence and impact of painful thoughts and feelings and take steps that enrich their quality of life rather than diminish it.

In her latest post on the Space Between Counseling Services Blog, Emily Rose Barr, LGPC, helps readers to explore what often leads us to feel stuck; the six core therapeutic processes of ACT; who ACT is most helpful for; and how you can begin implementing strategies from ACT in your own life.

Your Coupleship in Review

Your Coupleship in Review

Why would you and your partner want to do a “Coupleship in Review”? This series of check-in questions is designed to help you invite structure, flow, intimacy, play and secure connection into the future of your relationship. Just being together and enjoying each other is great, but once again Space Between Counseling Services has an invitation for you that will help make your relationship stronger in the years to come.

“Secure Functioning” is being in a relationship that is fully collaborative, fully mutual, + based on justice, fairness, and sensitivity.

— Dr. Stan Tatkin

Understanding the Quarter Life Crisis

Understanding the Quarter Life Crisis

For many millennials and older gen-z-ers, their 20s and 30s are not the time of fun and freedom that they expected. This period of life can be characterized by feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, uncertainty, and confusion over one’s direction and purpose in life. Going through a quarter life crisis may be a commonplace occurrence, but it doesn’t have to be something you go through alone or without support.

An Insider’s Guide to Self-Compassion

An Insider’s Guide to Self-Compassion

Self-compassion gets a lot of buzz, and for good reason. The term refers to showing yourself the same care and kindness you’d show a close friend. If you find you’re often critical of your faults, have difficulty separating yourself from your negative thoughts when they arise, or feel like you’re alone in your struggles, practicing self-compassion can help.

Your Brain as a Matrix: Exploring Different Ways of Thinking

When many people think of intelligence, an IQ test is the first thing that comes to mind. Answering a list of questions meant to assign a score to an individual’s memory, math, and reading comprehension abilities. But there are many ways that intelligence can be looked at besides just being able to generate correct answers on a test. Everyone’s brains work differently and there are so many different types of thinking that even one individual may use.

This blog post was inspired by an article Exploring the Matrix of Your Brain by Aurora Holtzman. In her post, Aurora discusses how learning to befriend our own brains and figuring out how to work with our individual strengths. Once we learn how we work, we enable ourselves to stop working harder and start working smarter. This can mean doing better in school or work, improving the quality of relationships, or simply having a better idea of what works best for you individually.

Infographic by: Aurora Holtzman

Infographic by: Aurora Holtzman

standard Linear thinkining

Standard linear thinking is when someone thinks about point A, which then leads them to point B, then to point C, and so on. When you think of linear thinking, you might think of doing a long math problem in elementary school. The teacher always wants you to write out every step of the math problem in order. In doing this, you had to think about how each step got me to the next one, taking your thoughts in a straight line.

skip thinking

Skip thinking is when someone goes straight from point A to point C. This would be like skipping straight from the first step of your math problem to the last step. Not everyone thinks like this, but to some people it just makes sense. Some individuals may think in mostly these ways or think in these ways depending on the specific situation. But what about when our brain makes even more complex connections? The brain and our thinking style don’t always go in a straight line, even if that line does skip over some points. These unique ways of thinking have been termed matrix thinking. 

matrix thinking

      Matrix thinking is what happens when someone’s brain goes from point A, to point F, to point R, then back to point C. There are infinite possibilities of different ways that an individual’s brain can work in this style of thinking. Matrix thinkers are constantly absorbing information from the world around them and synthesizing it into their current thought process. Matrix thinkers often make connections between ideas that to others seem completely unrelated, but to that individual the connection makes perfect sense. When you think of matrix thinking, you might think about your coworker whose desk is always a complete disaster, yet to them everything has a place and their system makes perfect sense. Matrix thinkers find patterns and creative ways of relating concepts together that other thinkers just don’t see. Within the article, Aurora discusses some different examples of matrix thinking that individuals use.

different types of matrix thinking

The Mind Map is a giant 3-dimensional map that is constantly connecting seemingly unconnected things. Drawing lines between things within your mind map can be a way to make connections. Venn Diagram thinking is when your brain finds the overlap in relationships to everything. There are so many ways to group and categorize things and so to some people it makes sense that parts of these categories need to overlap. Sometimes individuals will seem to talk all over the place, when in reality they are talking in a Spiral where they come back to the point every time the spiral makes its way back around. Puzzle thinking can take many different forms. Sometimes the puzzle has big pieces that are easy to put together, while other times it may take time to learn the ways in which the pieces fit. Sometimes even after the puzzle has been put together, it may feel like there is a piece or two that is missing.

Below is an excerpt of 4 more types of matrix thinking discussed by Aurora

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“Tree - When I think of my multi potentiality, I tend to think of a tree. The roots dig deep to form my foundation, but when I get too many things going at once it’s like wild branches that need pruning. When I was working full time in my day job I over pruned and didn’t have any time for the enriching stuff and when I first branched out on my own (see what I did there?) I went in way too many directions at once. This year I am focusing on pruning and strengthening just a few branches at a time. 

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Spider Web - I see the spider web as sort of a combination of the spiral and the mind map. It’s another way to visualize making constant connections. Like real spider webs, they are never quite as neat and tidy as you might find in a symbol or graphic but can get quite messy.


3D Chess Board - When I brought this idea up to a friend and parent, she shared the idea of a 3d chess board. Not only are you navigating and strategizing on one flat plane/dimension, there are multiple plains to navigate and strategize on all at once. 

Maze - One final image that came to mind is a maze where you follow one path and may come to a dead end and have to back track to find your way back.”


 
 

As you read about matrix thinking, you may find yourself thinking, “None of these examples by themselves seem to explain how I feel my own brain works!” However, it’s important to remember that you don’t need to fit into just one matrix.

Knowing your style(s) of thinking may be particularly helpful when you’re trying to explain an idea to someone else but they just aren’t getting it. It may be easier to put your ideas into words when you have a better understanding of how my brain as a whole is working. Knowing your own brain and the way you think can be helpful at school, work, and in interpersonal relationships. Understanding how you think is just another step in better understanding yourself as a whole.

One final takeaway that highlights importance of understanding matrix thinking is that knowing how your brain works can help you to think using your strengths. Depending on your style of matrix thinking, your strengths may be more related to creativity, problem solving, or communication. Understanding your specific strengths can help you to maximize your thinking power. 

 So now that you’ve gotten all the way to the end, are any of these styles of matrix thinking familiar to you? Can you see yourself and how you think in any of them? 

The Road to Worthiness is Paved with Imperfection

The Road to Worthiness is Paved with Imperfection


In the moments when we most need a little tenderness we quickly become our own worst enemies. Instead of recognizing and acknowledging our inherent goodness, we turn our words into weapons with messages of failure and defeat. 

Wouldn’t it be incredible if we could instead treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we so readily show others? In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, leading researcher and storyteller Brené Brown examines what gets in the way of accepting ourselves as we are and living from a place of authenticity, gratitude, and whole-heartedness.  

Tidying Up (Part II) - Tidying Up Your Relationships

Tidying Up (Part II) - Tidying Up Your Relationships

In this second part of of our two-blog series inspired by the teachings of Marie Kondo, we will apply the KonMari method through simple activities designed to help you better tidy up your relationships. We hope this blog will inspire the courage and intention you need in order to facilitate nourishing relationships into your life.

Tidying Up (Part I) - Tidying Up Your Life

Tidying Up (Part I) - Tidying Up Your Life

In Marie’s book, tidying up refers to applying a set of principles to de-clutter your home. However, in this two-part blog series we’re going to talk tidying up your life (Part 1) and your relationships (Part 2) by applying principles based upon Marie’s method. 

Your Coupleship: Year in Review 2018

Your Coupleship: Year in Review 2018

Coupleship: 2018- Year In Review.

This series of check-in questions is designed to help you invite structure, flow, play and secure connection into 2019. After the rush of the Holiday season is almost over, but before you ring in the near year, we hope that you can create a holding space for one another. Just being together and enjoying each other is great, but once again Space Between Counseling Services has an invitation for you that will help make your relationship stronger in the year to come.

“Secure Functioning” is being in a relationship that is fully collaborative, fully mutual, + based on justice, fairness, and sensitivity.

— Dr. Stan Tatkin

Perhaps you completed the Coupleship Year in Review around this time last year.  Hopefully it provided you with the opportunity to reflect on your relationship, togetherness and growth both as individuals and a couple during 2017.  This year the Space Between Counseling Services team has re-invented the review. You may notice some similar questions, as well as some new ones during this year’s review.