Did anything change when addressing the national shortage of couple therapists?
In 2021, Space Between Counseling posted a blog addressing the national shortage of couple therapists.
Did anything change? Are there more couple therapists now? Unfortunately, there is still a shortage of couple therapists with the increasing demand for mental health.
Space Between Counseling hopes with this extended version of addressing a shortage of couple therapists that it would help you and your partner still seek the help you both need and want. Seeking couple therapy does not mean you are both in crisis. You can still seek couple therapy even if you want to make your relationship stronger and more fulfilling.
Since the pandemic hit, therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers have been seeking to address the concerns and needs of couples with relational concerns. But what happened? Why was the pandemic a catalyst for relational problems?
One factor might be that the subsequent shelter-in-place mandate and adjusting to the 'new normal' forced many people and couples to spend time with their emotions. This does not mean that couples do not spend time together or do not communicate, but in some way, we are always trying to keep ourselves busy or create and engage in an 'on-the-go' lifestyle because this is what it means to be productive or live life to the fullest. Therefore, spending time with our emotions and connecting to our needs does not become a priority and becomes an added item on our to-do list.
So, during the pandemic, many individuals and couples became overwhelmed, scared, and confused by how intense those emotions were. Some questions that might have crossed your mind are:
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What happened?
Why am I feeling this way now?
Where did this feeling or thought come from?"
Therefore, addressing these relational problems and connecting with our emotions and needs are becoming a priority to resolve and repair the valuable relationships we have in our lives.
Moreover, individual therapists are facing similar concerns. Christina Caron, of the New York Times, reported that, “According to an American Psychological Association poll of nearly 1,800 psychologists published in November, 74 percent said they were seeing more [Clients] with anxiety disorders compared with before the pandemic, and 60 percent said they were seeing more [clients] with depressive disorders. Nearly 30 percent said they were seeing more [clients] overall.” But according to Vaile Wright, the senior director of health care innovation at the A.P.A., this might not capture the full extent of the demand for mental health practitioners because the survey did not ask the therapists whether they had to turn away clients because they were already booked.”
While the increase in demand for therapists may be universal, there is a unique national shortage of couples therapists. While the percentage or raw numbers of therapists who practice couple or relational work is not known, it is important to note that this number is surely considerably lower than the number of practitioners who provide individual counseling.
More concerning, is that of the few practitioners who do provide relationship therapy, not all are trained in specific couples modalities. Couples who are considering couples therapy should seek a professional who is licensed in their state and has specific training and supervision in couples therapy approaches. According to the Gottman Institute, “Not all therapists have this training. Furthermore, not all therapists who do get the couples therapy training receive supervision from certified therapists of that method to ensure they are applying the techniques and interventions in ways that can lead to changes for the client’s relationship.”
There are numerous theoretical approaches to couples work, including:
The Psychobiological Approach of Couples Therapy (PACT)
The Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Prepare/Enrich
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)
The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy
Relational Life Therapy
Discernment Counseling
Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT)
Moreover, one of the most important things to consider in any therapeutic space is the relationship you have with your therapist or counselor. Therefore, finding the right fit is crucial for both you and your partner and your healing journey together.
So how do you find the right fit?
There are numerous ways to find a couples therapist. You may wish to seek referrals from your individual therapist or another trusted healthcare provider. You can also search for therapists on their respective theoretical approach directories, or through third party directories such as TherapyDen.com, GoodTherapy.com.
Remember that in any therapeutic setting, you, your partner, and your therapist are all human beings. And just as it takes time to build any relationship, building a relationship with your therapist also takes time. Sometimes, it might take time for you and your partner to find the right therapist or the right theoretical approach that works for both of you, and sometimes, you might find it from the first session. Just know that both are okay!
Once you’ve found some possible therapists to work with, we recommend asking them a few questions in other to get a feel for their therapeutic style and experience to ensure an ideal fit. Questions you may consider asking include:
Did you receive formal education and supervised training in couples therapy?
What percentage of your work is with couples?
What does couples work with you look like?
How would you define success in couples therapy?
Are you affirming of ___________________?
If you are seeking help with non-monogamy, diverse expressions of sexuality, BDSM, and/or gender identity, you’ll want to ensure your therapist is both affirming and informed about those specific topics.
How long are sessions in duration?
How frequently would be working together?
What is the cost of couples therapy?
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Waiting too long?
We all experienced life in different ways, we all have our triggers and insecurities. Therefore, it is very natural for couples to fight, to have their issues and experience challenges along the way.
The idea is not about not ever arguing or fighting. Actually, it’s very normal for couples to fight and argue. The important thing is how you handle these conflicts. Do you become defensive, hurtful, criticize and/or disrespect each other? Do you shut down and refuse to interact? Do you point fingers and blame one another?
These are all unhealthy approaches. The Gottman’s explore how important it is for couples to stay connected and engage with each other during a disagreement or a fight. This can be very difficult, so having someone to help you through this process is important.
When encountering a problem, some couples talk about it, find a solution or a middle ground, and move on. Some couples bottle things up and avoid confrontation because they are worried that it might upset the other person, or you might feel that you already talked about it, so there is no point in returning to the same topic or issue. According to the Gottman Institute, most couples wait and average of 6 years after identifying a problem before seeking therapy. This makes it more difficult to address concerns. As Dr. Vanessa Katz explains, “When couples wait until a breaking point, it is so much harder to have them come back together because the wounds can be so deep.”
Therefore, Dr. Terry Gaspard and Arlin Cuncic explore that timing and motivation are two key factors in couples therapy.
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Time
Waiting too long can sometimes be difficult to repair the issue because of the resentment that could have been built from both minor and major problems . This makes it harder to fix the issue/problem and sometimes it backfires negatively when we communicate with one another. So, the sooner couples begin counseling, the better it is for them to explore and resolve the issue.
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Motivation
Both couples should be engaged in the therapy process. It’s both of your healing and growth journey. If one person is engaged and someone else is not, that is an important element to consider. If one of you shows lack of motivation to attend counseling or put in the work – counseling will likely be less effective. Also, both of you are expected to put a sustained effort not just during counseling but even over the long term.
Also, couples need to be willingly open to try new ideas, communicate honestly and be transparent with each other in the therapy session and with their counselor. Every partner need to accept that there is a different side to every story, yours and your partner. So, couples need to be open, honest and respectful about one another’s thoughts and feelings. The couple counselor provides an outsider perspective and helps couples work through their problems and issues.
Just remember, there is no quick fixes – this is your healing and growth journey – and it is not linear process.
This is why it’s ideal to seek a couples therapist when you’re not in crisis. Just as you would create an established relationship primary care physician before you seek treatment for pain or sickness, ideally, you would also establish a relationship with your couples therapist before a critical relationship issue arises. Therefore, reaching out for help whether your relationship is in need for it is not a sign of weakness. As mentioned earlier, seeking couples therapy does not mean you are both in crisis, you can still seek couple therapy even if you want to make your relationship stronger and more fulfilling.
Don’t wait too long?
With the increase demand on mental health, unfortunately there is still shortage of couple therapist. So, If you and your partner are seeking couples therapy from a clinician trained in the above modalities, you likely will be waiting at least a few weeks from your initial inquiry before you begin your first session due to the national shortage in couples therapists.
What to do while waiting for your first couples therapy session?
While you’re waiting for an initial appointment with a couples therapist, there are several things you and your partner can do to strengthen your relationship. Examples include:
1.Utilize a couples workbook with one another
While workbooks are not a replacement for couples therapy, they can provide you with helpful and impactful tools that may help you begin to improve your relationship. Here’s a few recommended reads:
2. Listen to Couples Focused Audiobooks & Podcasts Together
If you’re struggling to find time to read together, perhaps an auditory resource will be more fitting. There are numerous couples-focused audiobooks and podcasts. We recommend the following:
3.Practice Partner Eye Gazing
Eye-gazing is the practice of looking into each other's eyes for a period of time without speaking. This incredibly simple tool that can be utilized to create feelings of safety, security, and intimacy within a relationship. According to PACT Therapist, Jacqui Christie, “Neurobiologically, the brain loves novelty, and looking into a partner’s eyes is a novel experience. Without speaking, eye-gazing allows the couple to regulate each other's nervous systems. This is because eye-gazing allows one partner to look into the other partner's nervous system and see into their fundamental essence. Eyes are ever-changing and gazing into them for a sustained period offers each partner something different to see.”
Curious how this may work within your own relationship? Try spending a few moments each day eye gazing with your partner every day for one week. Check in to see how it changes your mood and your feelings towards each other.
4. COUPLEs RETREAT
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Couples retreats are known as couple gateways or couples intensives retreats. These retreats usually take place in private settings, enabling you and your partner to receive personalized support to help you re-establish and improve your relationships. The retreats include interactive discussions, lectures, role play and exercises with a combination of a romantic gateway or a vacation.
The couple retreats can happen in different formats, in-person or remotely. Some couples are not able to travel or are not able to attend weekly therapy sessions due to certain circumstances. Therefore, couple retreat are also happening online.
The Gottman institute provide a marathon couples therapy that provides intensive and highly focused approach to help couples navigate through specific issues and learn new skills in a short period of time.
We understand that this option might seem a bit weird, or it might feel like you are disclosing information. Don’t worry retreats are usually private – no public disclosure it’s you and your partner working on your relationship with a certified couple therapists. As mentioned earlier, if you and your partner decide to go to couples therapy, it’s important to consider the therapists qualifications and experiences. Retreats are offered by licensed couple therapists.
Even though retreats are private, being with a group of other couples can help you and your partner understand that you are not alone. Sometimes couples look around and see other others so happy that they think they are the only ones experiencing challenges and issues. Therefore, retreats can offer a sense of community that you are actually not alone and other couples are also experiencing some challenges or just want to work on building a stronger relationship.
To know more about what couples retreats provide and when they happen – click on the links below
Since retreats are limited in spots, they sell out really fast. You and your partner can always register for the announcement and newsletter to stay up to date about any future or upcoming retreats.
5. Sex Therapy
Another helpful approach or type of therapy that you and your partner can seek is Sex Therapy.
Sex therapy is a specialized type of psychotherapy, a general term for treating mental health problems by talking with a mental health professional. It is similar to other forms of talk therapy, with the exception that your therapist is well versed and trained to treat sexual issues. Individuals and couples may involve in sex therapy to address a variety of concerns but if you are actively in a romantic relationship, it can be helpful or necessary to involve your partner in meetings with your sex therapist.
Sexual problems significantly impact the overall health of romantic relationships. Therefore, through sex therapy, you can address concerns related to sexual function, sexual feelings, and intimacy, as well as concerns related to sexual arousal and desires, and explore the worlds of kink or polyamory, infidelity, or more.
The word sex and sexuality are considered a very taboo subject that people tend to push away or suppress due to feeling a sense of discomfort, shame or guilt, or even all of the above. However, seeking sex therapy can help you and your partner deepen your level of intimacy and needs - free from any expectations and assumptions that are built from our surroundings and the external messages we receive, hear or see. In other words – you and your partner will learn the freedom to be your sexual self and honor your own and each other’s needs and desires.
If you want to read and know more about Sex Therapy and Space Between Counseling work. Click the link below
Space Between Counseling hopes through this blog that whether you and your partner are going to couples therapy or waiting for your first session, it will help both of you find some different ways to connect, build, and grow together on your unique journey together.
Meet our Team of Couple Therapist at SBCS
At Space Between Counseling Services, our relationship therapist team is comprised of six clinicians who are all trained in various theoretical approaches to couples work, including the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), the Gottman Method, and Prepare-Enrich.
Susan Stork, LCPC, LPCC, LPC, CST (SHE/THEY), AASECT Certified Sex Therapist
Susan utilizes the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), to assist couples in moving towards secure functioning - which means the relationship is based on principles of true mutuality, collaboration, justice, fairness, and sensitivity. Susan helps couples to build awareness of thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations to develop greater insight and uncover new choices within their relationships. Her style is nurturing, supportive & interactive with a huge dose of common sense.
Brittany Spencer, LCPC
Brittany works with couples to navigate daily relationship challenges. Brittany utilizes the Gottman Method and Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) (level 1) to help couples create their ideal relationship culture, even through the roughest of times. Whether you’re just starting out or have been together for years, Brittany can support you in building closeness, improving communication skills, reviving your sexual connection, and more.
Diana Harden, LCPC
Diana is a certified Prepare/Enrich Facilitator. No matter what level of stress your relationship is under, Diana will work with you and your partner to reach a place of calm and agreement. Everyone deserves to feel a sense of “home” and peace with their partner.
Abigail Smith, LCPC
Abby utilizes an eclectic approach that tailors couples’ work to your relationship’s specific needs. Abby is affirming of kink, consensual non-monogamy, neurodiverse, and LGBTQIA+ relationships. Abby utilizes the Gottman Method in her work with couples.
Kat Filipov, LGPC
Kat uses a variety of techniques to help couples move towards a place of deeper connection with each other. No two couples are alike, and Kat tailors her work to meet the nuanced needs of the individuals. She is affirming of LGBTQIA+ relationships. Her style is empathetic, dynamic, and gently challenges couples to gain awareness of the ways they contribute to patterns in the relationship.
Daniya Nixon, LGPC
Daniya uses a variety of techniques to help couples identify their needs and desires and communicate those to their partners. She is affirming of LGBTQIA+ and open/non-monogamous relationships. Her eclectic approach helps people establish and maintain their ideal partnerships.
““The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense of decency, your ability to think of others, your generosity.” ”
We are all in relationships with others, whether those relationships are romantic, intimate, friendships, or therapeutic. As a practice, we take a realistic approach to working with modern couples who are juggling the demands of work, school, family, friends and other obligations, so we offer early morning, evening and weekend appointments to accommodate varying schedules.
We embrace working with couples of varying sexual orientations and relationship structures. Our team of couples therapists are LGBTQIA+ informed and are affirming of sexual diversity, including polyamory, consensual non-monogamy (CNM), kink, BDSM, and altsex communities.
Space Between Counseling Services also specializes in neurodiverse couples work, which are comprised of one neurotypical partner and neurodiverse partner. Neurodivergence includes autism, Asperger's syndrome, dyslexia, dyscalculia, epilepsy, hyperlexia, dyspraxia, ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and Tourette syndrome (TS).
Intimate relationships can be difficult for anyone to navigate. Coupleship is especially challenging when partners have differing perspectives, opposing communication styles and/or unique skill sets that sometimes misalign. Our practice works with clients to strengthen the relationships that matter most to them, which ultimately impacts their quality of life overall.