There are some issues that we cannot simply talk ourselves out of. The part of our brain that thinks in verbal language and uses logic to solve problems is distinct from the area of our brain where we process emotions. This means that in order to move past deep-seated trauma and other difficult emotional wounds, we must intervene on the physical and emotional subcortical level as well as on the logical, neocortical level.
Brainspotting (BSP) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy both facilitate emotional processing and help us to see ourselves, others, and the world around us in a new light. Read on to learn more about both modalities and which one may be right for you.
Have you ever labeled yourself as the “black sheep” of your family, workplace, or somewhere where you’re “supposed” to naturally belong? The Black Unicorn highlights how intersectionality is an ongoing process that requires individuals to navigate and balance the multiple dimensions of their identity. Society often places marginalized individuals where they have to prove their worthiness, which can be a burdensome and exhausting experience. This expectation disregards the fullness of their experiences and reduces their identities to a single narrative, overshadowing their resilience, joy, and other aspects of their lives. This blog post, written by Susan Stork, located in Baltimore, Maryland, explores the four main qualities of a black unicorn and how we can harness our individuality into our superpower.
In 2021, Space between counseling posted a blog addressing the national shortage of couple therapists. Did anything change? Are there more couple therapists now? Since the pandemic hit, therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers have been seeking to address the concerns and needs of couples with relational concerns. But what happened? Why was the pandemic a catalyst for relational problems? It seems the pandemic, and subsequent shelter-in-place mandates, have served as a catalyst for relational issues and in some way forced couples to spend time with their emotions.
In this blog post, we explore some of the reasons for a shortage in couples therapists, reveal evidence based theoretical orientations for relationship counseling, advise clients on how to search for an ideal fit couples therapist, and provide resources and recommendations for those who are stuck on waiting lists to be seen.
Have you ever had a therapy session when you left feeling exhausted, emotionally drained, and unable to do much for the rest of the day? Has it made you wonder if the therapy isn’t working? In this blog post, written by our Graduate student intern, Sehar Palla, we explore what is therapy hangover, why it happens and some helpful post-therapy self-care strategies.
Dr. Stephen Porges has coined the term “neuroception”, which describes how our neural circuits distinguish whether stimuli are safe or dangerous. While this phenomemon is innate and serves to protect us, sometimes traumatic experiences result in faulty neuroception - which causes individuals to perceive a situation to be harmful, even if there is no presence of a threat. This post explores the implications of polyvagal theory, stress responses, and neuroception.
This post explores how the global pandemic may be impacting three types of couples in particular; engaged couples facing uncertain wedding plans, couples with health anxieties, and couples who are feeling “burnt out” as parents. This post will also describe ways to promote secure functioning amidst this seemingly chaotic and uncertain time.
The current pandemic is putting our relationships through strain that we may not have ever experienced before. This post explores the recent challenges faced by couples who are quarantining together during COVID-19, while weaving in the wisdom of Esther Perel, and provides practical tips for strengthening relationships during the pandemic.
The current isolation has done more than minimize the human interactions that we are accustomed to, it has inadvertently created a new set of norms for an entire nation. While the appearances of gloves and masks covering the hands and faces of others may be unsettling, COVID-19 may have unknowingly unsurfaced a variety of feelings within. It is not uncommon to feel confined, lonely, abandoned, afraid or even hyper-vigilant while sick. Perhaps you have experienced all these feelings and others simultaneously. As we navigate our way through this pandemic, remember to be gentle with yourself, you are human after all. This post aims to explore the different elements of “the new normal” during COVID-19, and provide readers with suggestions for coping skills and connection.
Why would you and your partner want to do a “Coupleship in Review”? This series of check-in questions is designed to help you invite structure, flow, intimacy, play and secure connection into the future of your relationship. Just being together and enjoying each other is great, but once again Space Between Counseling Services has an invitation for you that will help make your relationship stronger in the years to come.
“Secure Functioning” is being in a relationship that is fully collaborative, fully mutual, + based on justice, fairness, and sensitivity.
— Dr. Stan Tatkin
Coupleship: 2018- Year In Review.
This series of check-in questions is designed to help you invite structure, flow, play and secure connection into 2019. After the rush of the Holiday season is almost over, but before you ring in the near year, we hope that you can create a holding space for one another. Just being together and enjoying each other is great, but once again Space Between Counseling Services has an invitation for you that will help make your relationship stronger in the year to come.
“Secure Functioning” is being in a relationship that is fully collaborative, fully mutual, + based on justice, fairness, and sensitivity.
— Dr. Stan Tatkin
Perhaps you completed the Coupleship Year in Review around this time last year. Hopefully it provided you with the opportunity to reflect on your relationship, togetherness and growth both as individuals and a couple during 2017. This year the Space Between Counseling Services team has re-invented the review. You may notice some similar questions, as well as some new ones during this year’s review.
Esther Perel asks.
As a Relationship Therapist - I ask.
📌Why is it that many women don’t seem to know what they want?
📌Where does the sense of being disconnected from your own body stem from?
📌How can it be so hard to talk about sex with our partners?
As Perel explains, much of our adult sexuality, our current desires, the way we relate to others, how we perceive our self-worth—is the product of the way we were raised and the environment in which our sexuality developed.
Q&A with Esther Perel:
Q
You’ve said that if you know how someone was raised, you can tell how they will be as a lover. Can you explain?
A
Consider a paradigm we’ve always known in modern psychology: Tell me how you are loved, and I’ll have a good idea of what may be some of your issues, your concerns, your worries, your aspirations, and how you love.
But this paradigm never got translated into: Tell me how you were loved and I will tell you how you MAKE love. How your emotional history is inscribed in the physicality of sex. How your body speaks a certain emotional biography.
For example, the question I often ask people is: How did you learn to love, and with whom? Were you allowed to want? Were you allowed to have needs growing up—or were you told, “What do you need that for?” Were you allowed to thrive? Were you allowed to experience pleasure—or was pleasure just a break between work sessions, a reward after a lot of effort? Were you allowed to cry—and were you allowed to cry out loud, or did you have to hide it? Were you allowed to laugh—out loud? Did you feel protected as a child by those who needed to protect you—or did you flee for protection? Did the people who were supposed to take care of you do so—or did you have to take care of your caregivers, becoming the parentified child?
Does post this resonate with you? Are you interested in exploring your own adult sexuality and how it shows up for you in your relationship?
If so, reach out - you don’t need to navigate these feelings & ideas - ALONE.
Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges within coupleship.
Coupleship: Year in Review 2017
Why would you and your partner want to do a “Year In Review”? This series of check in questions is designed to help you two invite structure, flow, play and connection into 2018.
After the wrapping paper is cleared away, but before you pull out the new year's noisemakers, I hope that you can make time for each other. Just being together and enjoying each other is great, but I have an invitation for you that will help make you stronger in the year to come...
In this space between the holidays as one year ends and another begins, I'd love to know that you’re strengthening your "coupleship bubble." Maybe you want to think of it as creating your own private snow globe where you sit together in the swirl of your past and present and plan out your future.
What goes through someone’s mind after they cheat? A million different things.
The following letter is a fictitious note written by a regretful partner trying to save a relationship after infidelity. The letter may be made up but the feelings and worries it describes and my response (that’s part two of this post!) are very real.
-- Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC
Photo by Konstantin Planinski on Unsplash
Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC is a Relationship Therapist and founder Space Between Counseling Services in Baltimore City, Maryland.
Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges of coupleship.
Specializing in counseling for individuals and couples using Stan Tatkin’s PACT approach, Susan helps you move through the muck of life and into a life of purpose and connection.
It’s that time of year again. Holidays are in clear sight in all areas of life.
I get that this time of year is hard on many people.
Due to traumatic events, difficult family and/or events linked to this season - many people feel less than { Deep Gratitude, Joyful & Happy } in the days between November --> January.
#Holidays are a rough time of year for many people due to one reason or another.
So, what can we do it about it? Jaime Stacks @jamielstacks has a one formula to stop this “crazy train” that speeds through the holidays for some of us.
It starts with setting your intentions.
Using intentions {PLUS} the therapeutic idea of "Re-Storying" we can alter our current experiences in this “NOW” space of the season compared to the “THEN” space of previous sadness, harm and voids of previous seasons.
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{F I V E} Mindfulness tips to jump-start your Holiday Self-Care}
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[ONE] Set intentions every morning
[TWO] Take 15-30 minutes everyday for yourself
[THREE] Take 15-30 minutes everyday for loved ones -- family + friends and mentors
[FOUR] Simplify, Simplify, Simplify
[FIVE] Gratitude Journal
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Photo by Estée Janssens on @Unsplash
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