Acceptance

Your Brain as a Matrix: Exploring Different Ways of Thinking

When many people think of intelligence, an IQ test is the first thing that comes to mind. Answering a list of questions meant to assign a score to an individual’s memory, math, and reading comprehension abilities. But there are many ways that intelligence can be looked at besides just being able to generate correct answers on a test. Everyone’s brains work differently and there are so many different types of thinking that even one individual may use.

This blog post was inspired by an article Exploring the Matrix of Your Brain by Aurora Holtzman. In her post, Aurora discusses how learning to befriend our own brains and figuring out how to work with our individual strengths. Once we learn how we work, we enable ourselves to stop working harder and start working smarter. This can mean doing better in school or work, improving the quality of relationships, or simply having a better idea of what works best for you individually.

Infographic by: Aurora Holtzman

Infographic by: Aurora Holtzman

standard Linear thinkining

Standard linear thinking is when someone thinks about point A, which then leads them to point B, then to point C, and so on. When you think of linear thinking, you might think of doing a long math problem in elementary school. The teacher always wants you to write out every step of the math problem in order. In doing this, you had to think about how each step got me to the next one, taking your thoughts in a straight line.

skip thinking

Skip thinking is when someone goes straight from point A to point C. This would be like skipping straight from the first step of your math problem to the last step. Not everyone thinks like this, but to some people it just makes sense. Some individuals may think in mostly these ways or think in these ways depending on the specific situation. But what about when our brain makes even more complex connections? The brain and our thinking style don’t always go in a straight line, even if that line does skip over some points. These unique ways of thinking have been termed matrix thinking. 

matrix thinking

      Matrix thinking is what happens when someone’s brain goes from point A, to point F, to point R, then back to point C. There are infinite possibilities of different ways that an individual’s brain can work in this style of thinking. Matrix thinkers are constantly absorbing information from the world around them and synthesizing it into their current thought process. Matrix thinkers often make connections between ideas that to others seem completely unrelated, but to that individual the connection makes perfect sense. When you think of matrix thinking, you might think about your coworker whose desk is always a complete disaster, yet to them everything has a place and their system makes perfect sense. Matrix thinkers find patterns and creative ways of relating concepts together that other thinkers just don’t see. Within the article, Aurora discusses some different examples of matrix thinking that individuals use.

different types of matrix thinking

The Mind Map is a giant 3-dimensional map that is constantly connecting seemingly unconnected things. Drawing lines between things within your mind map can be a way to make connections. Venn Diagram thinking is when your brain finds the overlap in relationships to everything. There are so many ways to group and categorize things and so to some people it makes sense that parts of these categories need to overlap. Sometimes individuals will seem to talk all over the place, when in reality they are talking in a Spiral where they come back to the point every time the spiral makes its way back around. Puzzle thinking can take many different forms. Sometimes the puzzle has big pieces that are easy to put together, while other times it may take time to learn the ways in which the pieces fit. Sometimes even after the puzzle has been put together, it may feel like there is a piece or two that is missing.

Below is an excerpt of 4 more types of matrix thinking discussed by Aurora

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“Tree - When I think of my multi potentiality, I tend to think of a tree. The roots dig deep to form my foundation, but when I get too many things going at once it’s like wild branches that need pruning. When I was working full time in my day job I over pruned and didn’t have any time for the enriching stuff and when I first branched out on my own (see what I did there?) I went in way too many directions at once. This year I am focusing on pruning and strengthening just a few branches at a time. 

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Spider Web - I see the spider web as sort of a combination of the spiral and the mind map. It’s another way to visualize making constant connections. Like real spider webs, they are never quite as neat and tidy as you might find in a symbol or graphic but can get quite messy.


3D Chess Board - When I brought this idea up to a friend and parent, she shared the idea of a 3d chess board. Not only are you navigating and strategizing on one flat plane/dimension, there are multiple plains to navigate and strategize on all at once. 

Maze - One final image that came to mind is a maze where you follow one path and may come to a dead end and have to back track to find your way back.”


 
 

As you read about matrix thinking, you may find yourself thinking, “None of these examples by themselves seem to explain how I feel my own brain works!” However, it’s important to remember that you don’t need to fit into just one matrix.

Knowing your style(s) of thinking may be particularly helpful when you’re trying to explain an idea to someone else but they just aren’t getting it. It may be easier to put your ideas into words when you have a better understanding of how my brain as a whole is working. Knowing your own brain and the way you think can be helpful at school, work, and in interpersonal relationships. Understanding how you think is just another step in better understanding yourself as a whole.

One final takeaway that highlights importance of understanding matrix thinking is that knowing how your brain works can help you to think using your strengths. Depending on your style of matrix thinking, your strengths may be more related to creativity, problem solving, or communication. Understanding your specific strengths can help you to maximize your thinking power. 

 So now that you’ve gotten all the way to the end, are any of these styles of matrix thinking familiar to you? Can you see yourself and how you think in any of them? 

The Road to Worthiness is Paved with Imperfection

The Road to Worthiness is Paved with Imperfection


In the moments when we most need a little tenderness we quickly become our own worst enemies. Instead of recognizing and acknowledging our inherent goodness, we turn our words into weapons with messages of failure and defeat. 

Wouldn’t it be incredible if we could instead treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we so readily show others? In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, leading researcher and storyteller Brené Brown examines what gets in the way of accepting ourselves as we are and living from a place of authenticity, gratitude, and whole-heartedness.  

12 Ways to Start Being Your Own Best Friend

12 Ways to Start Being Your Own Best Friend

When our life circumstances change, our friends often change with them. Cross-country moves introduce us to new social groups; coupledom expands our inner circles; and parenthood fosters additional bonds. Gone are the days when our closest confidants were just a short drive away. Now, get-togethers are planned months in advance and frequent flier miles are racked up with regularity.

But what about being a good friend to ourselves? We put heart and soul into our sisterhoods (and brotherhoods!) but can forget that it starts with being kind to the fresh face we greet in the mirror each morning.

Self-compassion or treating yourself with the same kindness as you would a close friend, can radically change the way you relate to yourself. Check out these 12 tips for doling out some serious self-love.

Why Secure-Functioning Matters in Partnerships

Why Secure-Functioning Matters in Partnerships

What does it mean to be in a secure-functioning relationship? And why should it matter to me? Secure-functioning relationships allow us to be the best we are individually. It does not mean that you will lose your identity or freedom.  In fact, you will have more, since trust is a guarantee you two make. Your relationship will become a place of support and love.  As well as a place to call home + restore life-energy. Are you in a secure functioning relationship? IF not, good news is you two CAN BE!

Assessing Your Commitment Level(s) in Life

Assessing Your Commitment Level(s) in Life

Do you often find yourself procrastinating on “must do” tasks? Do you quit or vow to come back to dealings that are often left unfinished?

Has today has been “the day” for the last few months that all your affairs would be in order?

Yet, repeatedly you find yourself coming up short of those goals. Have you experienced this in your work-life, school-life, social circles, and other areas?  

You have good intentions and yet your commitment to execute these plans is lacking? The term commitment is measured in more than romantic relationships. When we lack commitment while faced with a task that requires long-term dedication, it often can cause us unnecessary mental and emotional distress. 

How Does Social Media Impact Self-Image and Self-Efficacy?

How Does Social Media Impact Self-Image and Self-Efficacy?

Exploring and recognizing our own inner beauty is important. We so easily give positive regard to celebrities for capturing the right selfie angle or replicating the latest MUA trend. Yet, when is the last time you reminded yourself, “I am beautiful.” A simple statement, yet one that so many of us forget to acknowledge.

What Your Upbringing Says About Who You Are in Bed

Esther Perel asks.

As a Relationship Therapist - I ask.

📌Why is it that many women don’t seem to know what they want?

📌Where does the sense of being disconnected from your own body stem from?

📌How can it be so hard to talk about sex with our partners? 

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As Perel explains, much of our adult sexuality, our current desires, the way we relate to others, how we perceive our self-worth—is the product of the way we were raised and the environment in which our sexuality developed.

Q&A with Esther Perel:

Q
You’ve said that if you know how someone was raised, you can tell how they will be as a lover. Can you explain?

A
Consider a paradigm we’ve always known in modern psychology: Tell me how you are loved, and I’ll have a good idea of what may be some of your issues, your concerns, your worries, your aspirations, and how you love.

But this paradigm never got translated into: Tell me how you were loved and I will tell you how you MAKE love. How your emotional history is inscribed in the physicality of sex. How your body speaks a certain emotional biography.

For example, the question I often ask people is: How did you learn to love, and with whom? Were you allowed to want? Were you allowed to have needs growing up—or were you told, “What do you need that for?” Were you allowed to thrive? Were you allowed to experience pleasure—or was pleasure just a break between work sessions, a reward after a lot of effort? Were you allowed to cry—and were you allowed to cry out loud, or did you have to hide it? Were you allowed to laugh—out loud? Did you feel protected as a child by those who needed to protect you—or did you flee for protection? Did the people who were supposed to take care of you do so—or did you have to take care of your caregivers, becoming the parentified child

Interested in Reading More... 



Baltimore Area Adult Women:

Does post this resonate with you? Are you interested in exploring your own adult sexuality and how it shows up for you in your relationship?

If so, reach out - you don’t need to navigate these feelings & ideas - ALONE. 


Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges within coupleship. 

Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges within coupleship. 


Season of Feelings

Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC is a Relationship Therapist and founder Space Between Counseling Services in Baltimore City, Maryland. Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges of coupleship…

Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC is a Relationship Therapist and founder Space Between Counseling Services in Baltimore City, Maryland. 

Susan works with Type A’s ---> Creatives as they balance schedules, stress, and the modern challenges of coupleship.

Specializing in counseling for individuals and couples using Stan Tatkin’s PACT approach, Susan helps you move through the muck of life and into a life of purpose and connection.

It’s that time of year again. Holidays are in clear sight in all areas of life. 

It’s that time of year again. Holidays are in clear sight in all areas of life.
 

I get that this time of year is hard on many people.
Due to traumatic events, difficult family and/or events linked to this season - many people feel less than { Deep Gratitude, Joyful & Happy } in the days between November --> January.

#Holidays are a rough time of year for many people due to one reason or another.

So, what can we do it about it? Jaime Stacks @jamielstacks has a one formula to stop this “crazy train” that speeds through the holidays for some of us.

It starts with setting your intentions.

Using intentions {PLUS} the therapeutic idea of "Re-Storying" we can alter our current experiences in this “NOW” space of the season compared to the “THEN” space of previous sadness, harm and voids of previous seasons.

 

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{F I V E}  Mindfulness tips to jump-start your Holiday Self-Care}
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[ONE] Set intentions every morning
[TWO] Take 15-30 minutes everyday for yourself
[THREE] Take 15-30 minutes everyday for loved ones -- family + friends and mentors
[FOUR] Simplify, Simplify, Simplify
[FIVE] Gratitude Journal




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Photo by Estée Janssens on @Unsplash
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( Together )

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“We can do hard things.”
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This is a saying that I’ve been saying + hearing lately - in my head, in my sessions, as a business owner, and as a partner + parent.
Understanding that we only have so much control of certain situations but we always have control of our commitments, our responses, our pause and our compassion for ourselves + others.

Being aware of feelings & expressing them PROACTIVELY - helps when things get "hard". Acknowledging that life can be scary, raw, over-whelming & unpredictable --- helps us to realize that it is normal, and that WE don't always have control when "hard things" enter our days. However, these feeling are a {S I G N} that something is amiss.

If you OFTEN use fight (judgement + aggression) , freeze (indecision + prolonged delay) or flee (avoidance) when {hard things} come your way - you might need some more support? 


🖊Writing feelings out (journaling) and/or talking to others might help to identify difficult feelings.

📌Both help me personally to move forward with what I needed to do and not let anxious thoughts take over when "hard things" hit the fan.

🔸In addition, reaching out for help shares the load. I often reach out to my husband + colleagues + friends and ask for insight when "hard things" come my way.



What do you do to confront "hard things"❓

Who are your supports? ❓

Where do you go to reflect + recharge + reset❓

If you find that you often confront "hard things" with fight (aggression + judgement) freeze (prolonged delay + indecision) or flee (avoidance) - it might help to seek more support(s) to help process your feelings and responses to "hard things."

{HARD T H I N G S} do not have to be a way of life - you can share the load, redirect, and pivot when necessary.