I was inspired last week to think of my role as a therapist in a different light. Then in sessions, these words came out - #hopedealer
It seems fitting.
Dating, Relationships & Carnival Rides:
A roller-coaster relationship feels similar to a roller-coaster ride. At first, the relationship moves at a nice steady pace forward. The person you’re dating is making time and effort to see you and it feels great, putting a smile on your face that’s bigger than Julia Robert's.
Relationships are bound to have moments of ups and downs; that’s normal. However, the downs should never exceed the ups. Those should also be far and few between.
If your relationship starts to have more unexpected jerking and swerving from left to right, back and forth leaving you nauseously dizzy, confused…that is obviously not a fun ride (or a healthy relationship).
If you start to feel more stress then excitement, sadness then happiness and more down’s than ups, it’s time to get your booty off this emotional roller-coaster relationship ride!
What does a "Foxhole" have to do with Couples Work?
Partners can be helped immensely by having an "owners manual" for each other and their relationship.
Does your relationship have one in place?
Part of that "owners manual" or being an "expert on your partner" can be created by using the principles in the Couple Bubble by Dr. Stan Tatkin.
It's like being in a "fox hole" together and having each others back consistently both privately and publicly.
Does your partner have YOUR back and YOU, theirs?
Are you struggling within your couple bubble❓
OR
Maybe you two need help forming YOUR couple bubble❓
Finding Your Flow - Instead Up Swimming Upstream
Are YOU frantically swimming upstream, bucking the actual flow of life?
In my therapy room a lot of this uphill swimming is due to trauma, stress, struggles with self and purpose. However sometimes what seems like stress can at times be ANXIETY.
Anxiety Disorder Types
Everyone experiences anxiety in one form or another. However, there is a large difference between having an anxiety disorder and feeling anxious every now and then. For instance, it is pretty common and typical for someone to be anxious before they take an exam but becoming so anxious that they don't eat and decide to not show up to the exam at all could be a sign that that person has a disorder.
Anxiety disorders themselves range from being mild to severe and it can also depend on what triggers a person's experiences and how often. In short, anxiety is a broad term that ultimately depends on the individual.
It can be difficult to describe anxiety to someone who has never truly experienced it like the people who have disorders do.
Social media is full of attempted explanations, but there are still those people who tell us to "get over it," "don't think about it so much," and "there's no reason to be anxious."
One of the biggest misunderstandings about having anxiety is that most of the time we know that there isn't any real reason to be anxious, and that our minds are overreacting. The thing is though, it just feels impossible for us to turn it off and think logically in that moment. There's not a whole lot we can do.
As a therapist that specializes in ANXIETY - I get you.
Anxiety is like swimming in the ocean with no land in sight: The mind has a keen way of magnetizing events of our lives. What can seem small and insignificant to one is massive in scale to another. Consider a 7ft man floating in an ocean 450ft deep. While he is large on land, the ocean proves a great challenge to his sense of size.
Anxiety is diving deep underwater, then swimming back up to the surface, but the surface is farther away that it seemed so you suddenly feel as if you are about to drown.
Side-Note: Did you know that --> Swimming is a great way to drown-out stress and anxiety as you embrace every stroke?
*** Swimming can significantly reduce symptoms like stress, anxiety and depression. Swimming triggers the release of endorphins, the natural feel-good hormone while stopping the secretion of fight-or-flight stress hormones. It also promotes the growth of new brain cells that atrophies under chronic stress and anxiety.
Photo Credit: Nikki McClure & Unknown Source
Mind FULL -OR- Mindful?
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{You always have a choice}
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:: Seeking Calm? Find a guided meditation provider, whom provides the power of Mental Stillness.
I find my calm via buddhify and lessen my chaos with the help of Tara Brach.
Plus, July 1st could be a great day to start a new habit ✌🏼✌🏽✌🏿
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Need Repair?
Stressed? Find your pattern. Find your lesson.
A good way of recognizing patterns in your life is by listening to your feelings, your intuition.
I’ve found that when I am involved in a pattern, my emotions run a bit stronger, kind of like a warning from my subconscious mind to pay attention to what’s happening.
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Many moons ago, as a young adult, pre-therapy, pre-mediation, pre-tuning in:: More often than not, I recognize the pattern (life lesson) when the situation had ended, or changed.
Hindsight is 20/20 in this way. It can be difficult to recognize a pattern while it’s playing out. This still happens to me in present life. However, I have learned to better pay attention to MY patterns.
Reflecting helps this. Awareness helps this. Time helps this. Being surrounded by caring and compassionate loved ones, family, and friends helps this.
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In life there will be continuous patterns and lessons sent our way. If we are aware and tuned in, we will learn to overcome our patterns and learn our individual lessons.
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The key is to be alert. When you’re open to recognizing a pattern, you can change it by learning the lesson, and in doing so, change your life. Equaling: less repeat and more JOY & Awareness.
You always have a choice.
Therapy provides a space to till YOUR soil.
Everything you are feeling OR experiencing is rooted somewhere. Together, in therapy we prep YOUR garden for YOUR growth.
“We are what we are because we have been what we have been, and what is needed for solving the problems of human life and motives is not moral estimates but more knowledge. ”
Are your habits empowering you -OR- are they getting you in trouble?
Habits: our manner in which we do something, our routines and/or customs.
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How do your habits guide you?
Inspire you?
Limit you?
“You cannot change your future. But you can change your habits and surely your habits will change your future.” ”
How are YOUR Relationships, going?
:: Are you struggling to be heard, understood and/or connected in your relationships? ::
If this feels familiar? Ask yourself... "am I fully available for authentic connection(s) with those I value and love?"
Fact is:
Relationships are harder in modern life because "conversations" become texting, arguments become emails and feelings become social media statuses. ::
If this is something you desire to change - small habitual patterns need to be altered.
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Start by scheduling face to face time with friends + your loved ones.
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If "face to face" is not ideal due to modern day obstacles of space & time --- schedule a phone call that is uninterrupted by distractions, noise, and multitasking. Hold space for this moment of connection. It's amazing what a meaningful conversation can do for our lives, moods, and relationships.
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Bottom-line: we're a distracted society that desires more connection. ::
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Be the {{Change}} in YOUR connection(S) + Relationship(S).