Love May Not Be Blind But NRE Sure Is! Understanding New Relationship Energy (NRE)
Every time the new season of Love is Blind drops, viewers flock to see who is going to ostensibly fall in love through a wall and get engaged sight unseen. It’s a fun journey to watch (and critique) as couples espouse phrases like “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before” only to be fighting and falling apart days later.
Outside looking in, it seems obvious to many viewers that these rushed courtships and engagements are clearly asking for disaster, but these shows are predicated on the knowledge that all new relationships can be susceptible to the dynamics of New Relationship Energy (NRE).
What is New Relationship Energy?
New Relationship Energy is that exhilarating rush you feel when entering a new romantic relationship. It’s a mix of excitement, infatuation, and emotional high that can make everything seem brighter and more vibrant. NRE can bring a sense of adventure, making you feel alive and connected in ways you may not have experienced before.
It’s these feelings which cause people to go on multiple dates in a week after they first meet, declare they’ve “never met anyone like” their new love interest, discuss moving in together before the ink is even dry on the new relationship, and yes is exactly what most of the people in the pods are experiencing when they say “I will” to those blind marriage proposals.
The Highs of New Relationship Energy
NRE brings with it an intense wave of emotions that can deeply impact various aspects of your life, from personal connections to newfound motivation and self-discovery.
Intense Connection:
NRE often leads to a strong emotional and physical bond. You might find yourself wanting to spend every waking moment with your new partner, sharing stories, dreams, and aspirations.
Increased Energy and Motivation:
This phase can invigorate you, sparking creativity and motivating you in other areas of life. You may feel more productive at work, more social with friends, and more open to trying new things.
Personal Growth:
Exploring a new relationship can encourage self-discovery. You may find yourself stepping outside your comfort zone, reassessing your values, and growing as an individual.
“The rush of new love is one of life’s greatest highs, but it can blind us to the challenges ahead.”
The Challenges of New Relationship Energy
While NRE can be thrilling, it’s essential to be aware of its challenges:
Idealization:
In the excitement of a new relationship, it’s easy to overlook red flags or idealize your partner. This can lead to disappointment when the relationship matures and the initial spark starts to fade.
Neglecting Existing Relationships:
NRE can cause you to focus so much on your new partner that you may unintentionally neglect friends, family, or even responsibilities. Finding balance is key.
Overwhelm:
The intensity of NRE can be overwhelming. You might feel anxious about the future, especially if you’re transitioning from a previous relationship or if you have a history of attachment issues.
Why Does This Happen?
New Relationship Energy is not just an emotional experience; it’s also closely linked to chemical changes in the brain and body. When creating new connections, the brain pumps out all sorts of different chemicals which drive the intense feelings of connection and create both the rewards and consequences of diving in too deep, too fast.
Here’s a breakdown of the key chemicals involved and how they contribute to the exhilarating feelings associated with NRE:
Dopamine
Often referred to as the "feel-good" neurotransmitter, dopamine plays a significant role in the brain's reward system.
When you’re in the throes of NRE, dopamine levels increase, leading to feelings of pleasure, motivation, and heightened energy. This is why new love can feel so exhilarating and addictive.
Oxytocin
Known as the "bonding hormone," oxytocin is released during physical touch, intimacy, and emotional connection.
Oxytocin fosters feelings of closeness and attachment, deepening the bond with your partner. In the early stages of a relationship, increased oxytocin can enhance feelings of safety and trust.
Serotonin
This neurotransmitter helps regulate mood, emotion, and social behavior.
In the context of NRE, serotonin levels can fluctuate, often contributing to feelings of euphoria and happiness. However, these levels can also drop during the initial phase, leading to obsessive thoughts about your partner, a common experience in NRE.
Adrenaline (Epinephrine)
This hormone is responsible for the "fight or flight" response and increases during times of excitement or stress.
The thrill of new love can lead to an adrenaline rush, heightening senses and causing physical symptoms like a racing heart, butterflies in your stomach, and increased energy.
Endorphins
These natural painkillers are often released during physical activity, laughter, and bonding experiences.
Endorphins create feelings of happiness and well-being, contributing to the overall euphoria experienced during NRE. They can also help reduce stress and promote relaxation in the presence of your partner.
Understanding the Balance
While NRE can feel magical, it's important to recognize that these chemical changes can also lead to intense emotional highs and lows. As the initial phase of the relationship progresses, these chemical levels may stabilize, leading to a more grounded and enduring connection. Without awareness of these changes, communication can often break down and lead to overpromising, presenting a version of yourself that you can’t keep up with, losing connection with self, high intensity in conflict, and other changes which will spell out trouble when NRE crashes.
Navigating New Relationship Energy Mindfully
Self-Reflection
Take time to reflect on your feelings. Are you experiencing genuine connection, or is it primarily the thrill of something new? Understanding your emotions can help you navigate the relationship more consciously.
Communicate Openly
Share your feelings with your partner. Discuss the excitement, but also any fears or concerns. Open communication can foster a healthy dynamic and deepen your connection.
Maintain Balance
While it’s tempting to dive headfirst into a new relationship, it’s important to maintain connections with existing friends and responsibilities. Make an effort to nurture all areas of your life.
Stay Grounded
Engage in self-care practices that ground you. Whether it’s mindfulness, exercise, or hobbies, keeping yourself centered can help you manage the intensity of NRE.
The Role of Therapy in Navigating New Relationship Energy
Therapy can be an incredibly helpful tool in understanding and navigating NRE. I can’t help but think that maybe if some of the Love is Blind couples had a therapist to help them think through and tackle all of the big feelings around NRE, that there may have been a few more successful matches.
If you notice any of the above traits applying to yourself when you enter new relationships, working on this pattern may help you better manage the early days of relationships to build stronger, lasting connections with good communication and clear expectations. While NRE is a popular term in non-monogamy and polyamory, these changes are relevant to all daters! Monogamous, straight, queer, vanilla, kinky, etc. NRE doesn’t discriminate and a therapist can help you in understanding the highs and lows unique to you.
Therapy can provide invaluable perspective to assist you in slowing down, changing old harmful patterns of dating, identify red flags through your rose colored glasses, and build the connections you want.
Love Shouldn’t Be Blind
New Relationship Energy can be one of the most exhilarating experiences in life, but it’s crucial to navigate it mindfully. By staying grounded, communicating openly, and maintaining balance, you can harness the excitement of NRE while laying the foundation for a healthy, lasting relationship.
Turning a blind eye to the chemical changes occurring and reenactment of unhealthy dating patterns will only lead to the same disaster we all love to see in reality dating shows. Embrace the journey, and allow yourself to enjoy the magic of new love, while remaining aware of the path ahead and staying true to your needs.
Meet The Author: Brittany Trexler
Brittany is an individual and couples therapist who offers individual and couples therapy sessions for adults (18+) who live in Baltimore, Virginia, and Florida.
Brittany is an eclectic sex therapist specializing in kink, LGBTQIA+ issues, couples therapy, and relationship counseling for non-monogamous groups, polycules, and individuals. She employs a variety of evidence-based therapeutic techniques, believing that therapy should be tailored to each person's unique needs rather than following a one-size-fits-all approach. She holds her Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling and is currently pursuing a PhD in Sex Therapy at Widener University.
Brittany loves board games, competing in pole dancing competitions, and snuggling with her cat. She also enjoys listening to mental health podcasts and ballroom dancing. As a bisexual, polyamorous, and kinky therapist, she is deeply committed to LGBTQIA+ education, advocating for polyamory acceptance, and the destigmatization of BDSM.