Health has been at the forefront of all of our minds these past few weeks since the coronavirus has taken over the media (and the our “normal” way of life). We are worried about our health, the wellbeing of our loved ones, and the path to healing for those who may be afflicted. True healing, however, is not something that can only be achieved physically. In fact, in order to rid the body of stress, inflammation, and sickness, we must turn our attention towards our mental and emotional health as well.
The book, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, by Dr. Gabor Maté explores the idea of the 7 A’s of Healing. These are seven steps that he believes one must take to achieve mental and physical healing in order to begin to rid the body of stress, chronic illness, and disease.
“The research literature has identified three factors that universally lead to stress: uncertainty, the lack of information and the loss of control.”
This seems especially relevant in the current climate of fear and uncertainty in regard to coronavirus. Maté also explains that “emotional competence is what we need to develop if we are to protect ourselves from the hidden stresses that create a risk to health, and it is what we need to regain if we are to heal.” Emotional competence will lead to one’s mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. This can be achieved through these 7 A’s…
Photo by Gayatri Malhotra
1. Acceptance
2. Awareness
3. Anger
4. Autonomy
5. Attachment
6. Assertion
7. Affirmation
Acceptance
Photo by Jen Theodore
Acceptance is the first step towards achieving emotional competence. It is meeting ourselves right where we are and accepting us as is – flaws and all. Whatever emotions we are feeling, however we look, however we physically feel, whatever thoughts or feelings we have about ourselves. Looking at ourselves honestly, and fully accepting who we are is the first hurdle to overcome. We are good, we are whole, and we are worthy of compassion.
A good example of accepting might be “Today I am feeling anxious, frustrated, and unsettled about the lack of control I have during this pandemic. Despite my anxiety, I am still a person worthy of compassion.” This honesty and acknowledgement may be difficult at times, but with practice will become easier.
Awareness
Being aware of what our bodies tell us is so important for our overall healing. Listening to what the body feels can help to guide us in a path to help heal any emotional or physical wounds. For example, one day you may feel foggy and lethargic. When you are made aware of those feelings and you take in those thoughts, you are able to apply that to guide future choices, thoughts, and decisions.
Anger
Anger can sometimes be thought of as an unwanted emotion, a “bad feeling,” something to be avoided at all costs. Maté, however, reminds us that “anger is a physiological process to be experienced… it has cognitive value.” Anger, like any other emotion, is something to be aware of, to feel and experience, and then to move forward from.
“I am greatly empowered without harming anyone if I permit myself to experience the anger and to contemplate what may have triggered it.”
Harboring anger and forcing it down causes more harm than good. Anger, when unexpressed, can breed hostility, resentment, and aggression. These lead to more stress in the body and that does not aid in our healing. Being able to experience, express, and consider anger in a productive and healthy way is crucial to the healing process.
Autonomy
Autonomy is just simply your independent thoughts and actions. Or the boundaries that make you you. Developing your personal boundaries and knowing yourself honestly is the way that you can continue to move through your journey to healing and wellness. Think of it this way… “Is this something I really want? Or is this something someone else wants? Am I doing this to put up appearances or make someone else happy?” Establishing those clear boundaries of who we are and what we value is putting us in control, making us more in tune with our priorities, and helping us to avoid unnecessary stress.
Photo by Morteza Yousefi
Attachment
Being connected to others is a lifeline to healing. This is speaking not only to our relationships to others, but also how well we receive help and support from our loved ones. Relying on others requires letting go of the fear of vulnerability. You are not weak for needing others, you are strong for overcoming your fear and seeking the help that will inevitably benefit your healing.
Assertion
The word assertion is usually paired with the idea of someone speaking up for themselves or being confident and forceful. According to Dr. Maté’s, assertion is just a statement of being. No one needs to be justified. We are who we are and we have the right to be here, to think and feel, to love and be loved.
Affirmation
Maté explains two types of affirmation. The first is affirming our creative selves. This can be fulfilled by creating anything – art, music, cooking, writing, etc. We all have an urge to create something, make something, express ourselves, be seen. This first step helps to achieve that.
The second is affirming our connection to something bigger. The universe, a greater purpose, a higher power. We are connected to the world around us in a big, important way. It is essential to feel that connection in order to help dissipate feelings of isolation, loneliness, or seclusion. Our existence is valuable. We are a part of something, never truly alone.
If you are interested in learning more about emotional competence, the journey to healing, and how our emotional experiences can manifest into physical illness, we would recommend reading When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, by Dr. Gabor Maté. You can learn more about Dr. Maté and his other writings by clicking here.
If you are seeking additional support in your journey towards emotional competence and healing, therapy can offer a unique holding space for further exploration. To learn more about our team of therapists at Space Between Counseling Services, click the link below: