Since the pandemic hit, therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers have been seeking to address the concerns and needs of couples who have relational concerns. It seems the pandemic, and subsequent shelter-in-place mandates, have served as a catalyst for relational issues.
Individual therapists are facing similar concerns. Christina Caron, of the New York Times, reported that, “According to an American Psychological Association poll of nearly 1,800 psychologists published in November, 74 percent said they were seeing more [Clients] with anxiety disorders compared with before the pandemic, and 60 percent said they were seeing more [clients] with depressive disorders. Nearly 30 percent said they were seeing more [clients] overall.” But according to Vaile Wright, the senior director of health care innovation at the A.P.A., this might not capture the full extent of the demand for mental health practitioners because the survey did not ask the therapists whether they had to turn away clients because they were already booked.”
While the increase in demand for therapists may be universal, there is a unique national shortage of couples therapists. While the percentage or raw numbers of therapists who practice couple or relational work is not known, it is important to note that this number is surely considerably lower than the number of practitioners who provide individual counseling.
More concerning, is that of the few practitioners who do provide relationship therapy, not all are trained in specific couples modalities. Couples who are considering couples therapy should seek a professional who is licensed in their state and has specific training and supervision in couples therapy approaches. According to the Gottman Institute, “Not all therapists have this training. Furthermore, not all therapists who do get the couples therapy training receive supervision from certified therapists of that method to ensure they are applying the techniques and interventions in ways that can lead to changes for the client’s relationship.”
There are numerous ways to find a couples therapist. You may wish to seek referrals from your individual therapist or another trusted healthcare provider. You can also search for therapists on their respective theoretical approach directories, or through third party directories such as TherapyDen.com, GoodTherapy.com.
Once you’ve found some possible therapists to work with, we recommend asking them a few questions in other to get a feel for their therapeutic style and experience to ensure an ideal fit. Questions you may consider asking include:
Did you receive formal education and supervised training in couples therapy?
What percentage of your work is with couples?
What does couples work with you look like?
How would you define success in couples therapy?
Are you affirming of ___________________?
If you are seeking help with non-monogamy, diverse expressions of sexuality, BDSM, and/or gender identity, you’ll want to ensure your therapist is both affirming and informed about those specific topics.
How long are sessions in duration?
How frequently would be working together?
What is the cost of couples therapy?
If you and your partner are seeking couples therapy from a clinician trained in the above modalities, you likely will be waiting at least a few weeks from your initial inquiry before you begin your first session due to the national shortage in couples therapists.
According to the Gottman Institute, most couples wait and average of 6 years after identifying a problem before seeking therapy. This makes it more difficult to address concerns. As Dr. Vanessa Katz explains, “When couples wait until a breaking point, it is so much harder to have them come back together because the wounds can be so deep.” This is why it’s ideal to seek a couples therapist when you’re not in crisis. Just as you would create an established relationship primary care physician before you seek treatment for pain or sickness, ideally, you would also establish a relationship with your couples therapist before a critical relationship issue arrises.
While you’re waiting for an initial appointment with a couples therapist, there are several things you and your partner can do to strengthen your relationship. Examples include:
Utilize a couples workbook with one another
While workbooks are not a replacement for couples therapy, they can provide you with helpful and impactful tools that may help you begin to improve your relationship. Here’s a few recommended reads:
2. Listen to Couples Focused Audiobooks & Podcasts Together
If you’re struggling to find time to read together, perhaps an auditory resource will be more fitting. There are numerous couples-focused audiobooks and podcasts. We recommend the following:
3. Practice Partner Eye Gazing
Eye-gazing is the practice of looking into each other's eyes for a period of time without speaking. This incredibly simple tool that can be utilized to create feelings of safety, security, and intimacy within a relationship. According to PACT Therapist, Jacqui Christie, “Neurobiologically, the brain loves novelty, and looking into a partner’s eyes is a novel experience. Without speaking, eye-gazing allows the couple to regulate each other's nervous systems. This is because eye-gazing allows one partner to look into the other partner's nervous system and see into their fundamental essence. Eyes are ever-changing and gazing into them for a sustained period offers each partner something different to see.”
Curious how this may work within your own relationship? Try spending a few moments each day eye gazing with your partner every day for one week. Check in to see how it changes your mood and your feelings towards each other.
We hope the information, resources, and recommendations in this post are helpful in your search for finding a couples therapist, or referring clients to a couples therapist, regardless of the national shortage.
At Space Between Counseling Services, our relationship therapist team is comprised of six clinicians: Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC, Brittany Spencer, LCPC, Abigail Smith, LGPC, Diana Harden, LGPC, Kat Filipov, LGPC, and Daniya Nixon, LGPC, who are all trained in various theoretical approaches to couples work, including the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), the Gottman Method, and Prepare-Enrich.
Esther Perel once stated, “The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense of decency, your ability to think of others, your generosity.” We are all in relationships with others, whether those relationships are romantic, intimate, friendships, or therapeutic. As a practice, we take a realistic approach to working with modern couples who are juggling the demands of work, school, family, friends and other obligations, so we offer early morning, evening and weekend appointments to accommodate varying schedules.
We embrace working with couples of varying sexual orientations and relationship structures. Our team of couples therapists are LGBTQIA+ informed and are affirming of sexual diversity, including polyamory, consensual non-monogamy (CNM), kink, BDSM, and altsex communities.
Space Between Counseling Services also specializes in neurodiverse couples work, which are comprised of one neurotypical partner and neurodiverse partner. Neurodivergence includes autism, Asperger's syndrome, dyslexia, dyscalculia, epilepsy, hyperlexia, dyspraxia, ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and Tourette syndrome (TS).
Intimate relationships can be difficult for anyone to navigate. Coupleship is especially challenging when partners have differing perspectives, opposing communication styles and/or unique skill sets that sometimes misalign. Our practice works with clients to strengthen the relationships that matter most to them, which ultimately impacts their quality of life overall.