Reviewing Your Coupleship (2024)
Reviewing your coupleship now that we are a few weeks into 2025 and things have begun to settle after all the new year, new me mantras have settled, it’s time to reflect back on the past 365 to look forward to the next 365 days in terms of what you and your partner may want for your relationship, kind of like a new year, newly improved us.
2024 could have been a year of growth for your relationship, or it could have been a year where differences came to light, or it could’ve just been another year, nothing new, kind of “meh”. No matter what kind of year it was for you and your partner, it’s time for a coupleship in review!
But why would we do a coupleship in review? I’ll tell you! A coupleship in review will provide you with questions designed to inspire reaction, and in this you can begin to invite structure, flow, intimacy, play and secure connection into the future of your relationship. Coupleships in review can be done, whenever and however many times you want. It serves as an opportunity to check in with your partner(s) to provide additional support and structure that will serve your relationship for the upcoming year.
Have fun with this!
First, to get into the swing of it, use this as a chance to reminisce on your favorite moments with your partner and within your coupleship, considering the moments of created connection, lightheartedness, and wholeness within your partnership. What are some things you can do in the upcoming year to make these moments more commonplace in your coupleship bubble?
To answer that question, you first might need to understand or remember the special place your coupleship bubble holds in your lives. Stan Tatkin, the creator of PACT, describes the couple bubble as:
“a mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements.” The questions below are designed to help you look at some of those “implied agreements” and find a way to talk about them with transparency, rather than continuing to hold assumptions. While some may inspire fun and lightheartedness, others may be uncomfortable and upsetting. Embrace them all. This may help you and your partner to understand the power and potential of this couple bubble of yours.
“It’s hard to experience desire when you’re weighted down by concern.”
The opportunity that a coupleship year in review provides is a sense of reflection, togetherness, and growth both as individuals and as a couple. You are invited to explore these questions with an open and curious mind. While it may be uncomfortable, it will be worth it to help to strengthen your coupleship in the years to come.
Your Coupleship
Refecting on this past year
If you had to describe your coupleship in 3 words, what would they be?
What new things did you discover about yourself?
What new things did you discover about your partner?
What was the best gift you received from your partner and why?
What was the hardest moment for you two?
What was your favorite place that you two visited this past year?
What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with as a couple?
What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren or future company about?
Describe a time when you needed to depend on your partner. Did they come to your aid? How did it feel?
How did your relationship to your extended family / in-law family evolve or devolve?
Do you support your partner’s development as an individual? How? Give examples.
Do you support your partner’s desires even when you don’t agree?
In what ways does your relationship mirror the relationship of your primary caregivers when you were a child? Is this positive or negative?
If your relationship was a movie, drama, or book, what would it be titled and how would it end?
What single achievement are you most proud of as a couple? Does your partner know your feelings about this?
How did you succeed in living out your shared values as a couple?
How did the 2024 Election impact your relationship?
Coupleship & Intimacy
A REFLECTION OF INTIMACY & CONNECTION
Which types of intimacy do you most like to give your partner? {Physical / Emotional / Spiritual / Intellectual / Experiential / Conflict / Creative / Sexual}
Which types of intimacy do you most like to receive from your partner? {Physical / Emotional / Spiritual / Intellectual / Experiential / Conflict / Creative / Sexual}
Among the 5 senses, which one is most sexual for you? {Seeing / Hearing / Smelling / Touching / Tasting}
What's a dilemma that you carry with you into the relationship or into your sensual space?
Of the following verbs, which one are you most comfortable with, and which would you like to stretch a bit further within your relationship? {To Ask / To Take / To Give / To Receive / To Refuse}- within the bedroom and beyond?
If you’re finding it difficult to ask and answer this set of questions with one another, and are seeking additional support in the realm of sex and intimacy, Space Between Counseling Services has a team of sex therapists that can help you navigate these concerns. Learn more About Sex Therapy at SBCS .
The Future of Your Coupleship
EMBRACING A PROACTIVE RELATIONSHIP STANCE FOR THE FUTURE
What or where do you want to see, discover, explore together?
How will you as a couple keep desire and intimacy alive in the months & years to come?
Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of – to enhance your coupleship?
What do you each need as individuals in the year to come? How will you contribute to a partner's development as an individual?
How do you want to remember this time when you look back on it 10, 20, or 50 years from now?
What are three things you can invest more money, time and energy into this coming year?
What are three things you can invest less money, time and energy into this coming year?
In what ways can your partner depend on you in the future?
In what ways would you like to depend on your partner in the future?
These questions are supposed to make you reflect and recognize moments over the past year where communication failed, intimacy was stunted, there was betrayal, there was embarrassment, and whatever else may have come up in your coupleship that left you feeling less than how you ideally would.
That’s all okay and normal. No relationship is perfect, and not seeing eye to eye or not getting along constantly is normal and healthy. These questions reflect back to you the reality of your relationship, and from there, you can begin to acknowledge the desired growth areas to improve upon the foundation you have already built.
“Exploring our physical, mental, and emotional depths enables us to deepen our intimacy. It’s this kind of understanding of ourselves and our partners that will help us overcome the obstacles to our desires and bring home the erotic.”
As a team of therapists who work closely with couples, Space Between Counseling Services knows that not all the relationship moments you’ll remember together are going to be positive. In fact, we are aware that quite the opposite sometimes occurs.
When peering into the deepest parts of our relationships, ultimately, sensitive subjects may come about, whether for the first time, the second time, or the 10th time. For this reason, among the questions provided, there are questions designed to help you both take the time to exert the effort to see and understand one another on a vulnerable and connected level.
Some questions may be easier than others, and there may be some that you want to skip altogether due to how uncomfortable they feel. Don’t do that, as these are the questions that could really, really matter. Give your future self a head start by preparing for questions or situations that may be needed in due time.
“There is never ‘the one.’ There is a one that you choose and with whom you decide that you want to build something”
The quote above illustrates that when we build something with the person(s) that we choose, it can be a greater connection and create a stronger sense of fidelity than a star-crossed-lover's destined-fate-to-be-so-it-is-and-they-lived-happily-ever-after kind of thing.
Modern couple ships feel challenging because they are challenging, but the growth that leads to stronger connection, intimacy, and fidelity within the relationship is so worth it. These questions are here to help you understand where you’ve been and where you’re going so you can set loving, realistic expectations together.
Meet the Author: Mary Cate Stiles
Mary Cate Stiles (she/her) is a Graduate Student Intern at Space Between Counseling Services, and she is supervised by Diana Harden, LCPC. Mary Cate treasures the value of the therapeutic process and works to provide a safe space to allow people to freely express themselves without fear of judgment.
Mary Cate incorporates her humorous and outgoing personality into the therapy space, and specializes in women's issues, topics of sex and sexuality, is LGBTQIA+ affirming, works with individuals with interpersonal problems, career transitions, ADHD, anxiety, and post-traumatic growth, as well as works with teens, young adults, and children.
Mary Cate is accepting new clients.
Mary Cate is accepting new clients! If you’re interested in working with her, please email Contact@SpaceBetweenCounselingServices.com or call (443)-240-5207.